The Autograph Hound Read online

  “You pussy, Walsh. You motherfucker.”

  “Keep my mother out of this!”

  “Benny, put that down!”

  “I’m winning, Desi. If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.”

  “Walsh, you got your money. Get out. You’re fired!”

  “Nobody fires an eight-year man, jerk. They give him a watch. They call him into the Boss’s office for a highball and handshake.”

  “You always trouble. You and those dumb autographs.”

  “You think it ends here, Mr. Frame-up. It doesn’t. I got friends. They’re not gonna let you get away with this.”

  I show him the bag. “These people could buy you and sell you.”

  “I call the cops.”

  “That’s been tried before. These people are above the law. They could ruin you.” I shove the bag under his nose. “I should make you eat them. But they’re too good for you.”

  He grabs the bag.

  “Give me that back!”

  “Your friends, huh?”

  “I’m warning you. They’re right behind you.”

  “Fuck your friends!”

  He rips my bag. He treats it like lettuce. He makes it into small pieces.

  I can hear myself laughing.

  I can see my arm moving.

  Garcia opens his mouth. Red ribbons roll out.

  The staff’s lined up across the kitchen. They stand in silence. I wish Mom was here.

  The honor guard, in blue, surrounds me. One man’s writing me up.

  “You have the right to remain silent.”

  “He was an impostor! It was some fight. I feel on cloud nine.”

  “Mr. Walsh, anything you say at this time may be held against you.”

  “I want this for the record.”

  “You’re entitled to counsel.”

  “A cleaver’s for your ribs and joints. Splitting, not chopping. It’s a one-stroke tool. The power’s in the follow-through. The wrist.”

  The man scribbles on his white pad. I watch him. He’s got every word.

  “Pen?”

  He looks up from his writing. He hands me his ball-point.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Sergeant Anthony Ambrosi, Homicide.”

  I sign underneath my story.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook onscreen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Lyrics from “I Want to Take You Higher” by Sylvester Stewart used by permission of Warner Bros. Music. Copyright © 1968 by Daly City Music. All Rights Reserved.

  Lyrics from “They All Laughed” used by permission of Gershwin Publishing Corporation. Copyright 1937 by Gershwin Publishing Corporation. Copyright renewed.

  The author wishes to thank the Rockefeller Foundation and its Villa Serbelloni, where this novel began.

  Copyright © 1972 by John Lahr

  cover design by Mauricio Diaz

  This edition published in 2013 by Open Road Integrated Media

  180 Varick Street

  New York, NY 10014

  www.openroadmedia.com

  EBOOKS BY JOHN LAHR

  FROM OPEN ROAD MEDIA

  Available wherever ebooks are sold

  Open Road Integrated Media is a digital publisher and multimedia content company. Open Road creates connections between authors and their audiences by marketing its ebooks through a new proprietary online platform, which uses premium video content and social media.

  Videos, Archival Documents, and New Releases

  Sign up for the Open Road Media newsletter and get news delivered straight to your inbox.

  Sign up now at

  www.openroadmedia.com/newsletters

  FIND OUT MORE AT

  WWW.OPENROADMEDIA.COM

  FOLLOW US:

  @openroadmedia and

  Facebook.com/OpenRoadMedia